Google apparently is not my friend

You'd think with the rampant obesity in the western world finding a regularly used, bustling, online forum for people with over eating issues and whatknot would be relatively easy, but google reveals pages of links for forums that were last posted in in 2008.

Here was me thinking there'd be somewhere in cyberspace I could commiserate with other long-term fatties, and possibly find a solution or two for what really is a lifelong issue for me, when in reality either my search skills are appalling, (not entirely unlikely), or the right combination of active participants, and topics is rarer than I'd have anticipated.

I'm fat.
I was a fat kid.
I was a fat teen.
I was a bulimic, drunken, promiscuous, stoned, self-mutilating, suicidal late-teen and twenty-something, that was amazingly a healthy weight. Not entirely sure that was a great trade off!
In my mid 20s I got pregnant with my first child, and got fat again.
In my late 20s I managed to combine stoned, promiscuous, self-mutilating, and suicidal, with FAT! (My daughter stayed with my ex husband when we seperated).
As 30 rapidly approached my weight came down a little, and I got pregnant again.
I WILL NOT drink, smoke, or do other drugs while pregnant, so stopped all that, and the realisation that there was no way I'd be permitted to keep my baby while I was actively completely fucking nuts was bloody good incentive to finally get my shit together. For some reason a lot of Borderlines tend to improve around 30 anyway, and I had managed to get myself into a decent DBT group, and found a good therapist.
About half-way through the pregnancy I also met a good man, and my 3rd husband.
I actually lost a little weight at first due to morning sickness, but then packed a heap on last trimester, and was about the heaviest I'd ever been by the time my daughter was born.
I stayed fairly large for about 2 years, all the while trying to conceive again, then decided to forget it for a while and lose some weight.
I ditched around 25kg, bought myself a project pony to break in, and of course promptly got pregnant.
Fast-forward 42 weeks and I was going home from hospital, heavier than I had ever been, cut hip to hip, under instructions to rest for weeks, and without my son.
It's been 2 years now, and I've gained another 2-3kg, haven't managed to conceive again, (I know it is weight related), and I'm pretty bloody over being a fat bitch, (actually, I'm relatively comfortable with my bitch status, it's the weight that's the problem).
No way in hell would I swap it now for any of the other vices/addictions I have indulged over the years, but given all I have managed to beat, turn my back on, or give up, I can't help but wonder why the whole food thing has to be so damn hard?